My best friend Ali gave me my first journal in middle school. It was a slim cream-colored design covered with real, pressed flowers and filled with crisp, unlined pages. Thus began my intentional and regular habit of writing my thoughts, feelings, and reflections down on paper.
And, like in the popular song in Wicked, I know that, ever since then, I’ve been “changed for the better, and for good.”
In high school, my journal would be where I would pine about teenage crushes and unrequited love. In college, my pages were filled with anxiety and stress around research paper deadlines and mid-terms. Later on, when I became a mother, I would write about the dreams and fears of raising my kids, weaving fact with imagined narratives in my head, trying to work through it all.
Sadly, Ali passed away when she turned thirty from pancreatic cancer. Much of my grief was processed through writing, where the page was the sacred and judgment-free space where I could furiously outpour my anger and pain, or re-tell so many shared, happier times. While there is nothing that could ever replace Ali’s physical presence on this earth, having the journal and memory that she was the muse who started such an important ritual of my life will always be a profound treasure and continual sense of connection to her.
Writing as Therapy: Whether using a journal or other vehicle, writing your thoughts down has an important cognitive component linked directly to the processing of emotion. Negative emotions in particular – for example, those that activate our flight, fight, freeze responses – originate in the sub cortical regions of the brain like the amygdala that are older and more primitive. On the other hand, language stems from the cortical areas of the brain that are newer in our evolution as humans. Journaling activates higher-ordered thinking and decision-making, helps to promote emotional self-regulation, and eases the intensity of negative feelings. Much like meditation or therapy, writing has the ability to calm oneself and better access the positive emotions needed for thriving.
Because of this, I often find myself perusing local bookstores and stationery shops looking for journals and planners that speak to me. A current favorite is one from Wilde House Paper, whose mission is to foster true connection to “the Mind, the Body, and the Soul.” The Night Routine Journal has a permanent place on my nightstand to help me decompress at the end of the day and set my intentions for the next morning.
I don’t think Ali could have predicted that her small gift to me decades ago would have such a big, lasting impact on my life. Then again, she was pretty intuitive, so a part of me likes to think that maybe she did know. It’s an interesting thought, and I know just to place where I can reflect more about it.